I Am Step #8.

A compelling title probably deserves a well worded explanation  I'll try to do my best, but to start out I will tell you what step number 8 is.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

I don't want to simplify all that I am to this sentence. Yet here I am realizing that I'm number 8. This all came about tonight while I watched "People Like Us" with my family. It was a good movie, not a great movie and certainly not my favorite. But I liked it either way. There was one point in the movie where the boy and Sam are at the record store. The boy asks Sam whether he has reached step 8 yet. And Sam asks what step 8 is, and the boy explains that you have to make a list of all those you've screwed over and say you're sorry. I swear to you at that point I stopped breathing. The exact moment in time when I realized I was someone's number eight. All of a sudden I wanted to scream and run upstairs. It's not that I hadn't realized before that I was on someone's list where they had to confront me and make amends for their screw ups. And I have been frustrated with this reality since that encounter. But nothing has ever made me feel so insignificant. I know you don't understand so I will do my best to explain. I don't feel like getting into details because I believe this isn't about me, but so much more. But I want you to imagine you are in this position where someone comes to you and apologizes for all the horrible things they've put you through. Sounds nice doesn't it? But it isn't. Because everything you ever believed that they said was a lie. Your relationship was a lie. You were just a puzzle piece that they threw around while they were dealing with their issues. You are just a bystander to everything that ever occurred.  And tell me you don't feel worthless. At this point you have to redefine yourself. And not in every way, not your beliefs or your morals. But how you define yourself. How you will deal in social situations, how you can deal with life day in and day out. As someone is getting their act together they have just torn yours apart. And you are supposed to be thankful they said sorry. I don't think you would understand because most likely this hasn't happened to you. It's not everyday you encounter others who've gone through a 12 step program. And even if you have, they probably didn't screw up your perception. But when they do, you feel lost. And I know this has happened to many others out there. And I'm sorry no one understands, believe me my sorrow for you is immeasurable. Because I sit here on Christmas Eve and realize I am just someone's number eight. I'm not more to them than a step they had to get past to begin a new life. And that sucks. So I'm going to take tonight and pray for those affected by those who've had additions. The things people have to deal with is horrible. And of course I'll pray for those who have those addictions because it isn't their fault. It's just another lesson learned. 

I'm wishing you all a Merry Christmas, and hope that it can be filled with joy and the ones you love. And hopefully you will be able to reflect on your actions lately. And if there are amends to make, don't wait, and make them. If there are actions to take, don't wait, do them. With Love.

Taylor Swift- Begin Again

(Only because it is oh so fitting)

A Spoonful of Pride.

I believe that the worst trait we acquire as humans is our pride. Who are we to be prideful? Who told us that kind of behavior is acceptable? There are a few different types of pride I would like to cover and the first is our image. It doesn't matter how good we think we look or how great our style is. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. Maybe some will find us attractive but there will also be others who don't. And frankly none of that matters. We spend too much time everyday focused on our looks, the time we waste is embarrassing  We could instead be spending more time with the others around us, but no we really needed to take all of those selfies, we needed to get our foundation perfect, we needed to find the perfect outfit, we needed to get our hairstyle just right. We are pathetically seeking attention. But the only one we NEED attention from is the Lord. And he couldn't care less about any of those things. And do you really think he'd be proud of all the wasted time. Like, " You go girl, way to look breath taking today". Obviously not, if our insides aren't beautiful then our outsides sure won't either. This isn't to say that we should leave our houses in the morning with our pj's on. But if we want to look nice that's great, but we shouldn't continue to dwell on our looks. I think this also extends to how we talk about ourselves to others. Though if I'm being honest we probably don't have much business talking about ourselves too much. But if we bring ourselves into conversations to talk about how we know we are good looking or whatever. We look like conceded jerks. No one cares how many people have liked us lately, and we will probably lose some friends if we keep talking like that. The next thing about our pride that bothers me, is pride concerning our talents and actions. It's great when we find our gifts that the Lord has blessed us with. But that doesn't mean we should go around and gloat about our abilities. Because without the Lord we wouldn't have any talents. So in all reality gloating about our abilities is pretty pathetic. So let's be thankful instead, and stop talking about ourselves all the time. We will never be able to make disciples if all we want to talk about is ourselves. They will find us boring and weird. I think all pride issues begin and end with us talking about ourselves. So let's make an effort to watch our words. And listen instead of talking all the time. We need to be earnestly interested in others. And if we aren't currently it'd be better to fake it until we actually feel that way. The more we open our mouths the more trouble we're bound to get ourselves into.

I'm loving the newest country hits, to keep me busy during this cold winter break. Enjoy!!

Tornado- Little Big Town

( So much Sass, I'm in love)

Better Dig Two- The Band Perry

(The sass continues on, this is the best thing ever!)

Goodbye in Her Eyes- Zac Brown Band

(This is great for when we're feeling down, so sad, but I'm also into the sound of the guitar accompanied with his voice)

Can't Shake You- Gloriana

(Though I still miss Cheyenne Kimbal in this group, I am loving the sound the create with their voices)

Changed- Rascal Flatts

( Randomly stumbled upon this, very touching, beautiful and honest)

If I Could Have a Been with Jesus- Thomas Rhett